New Begginings

I haven't been on here in a long time - funny how things going in your life can make you forget about the simple things that make you happy. I used to love writing, drawing, etc. I've lost so much of myself in the last couple of years. Trying to keep up with my mistakes. Most of which were completely my fault. Finally though, I've made a good choice in my life, pleased to tell the world I am incredibly happy with my new situation. I didn't know it could be like this, I always thought what I wanted was a made up thing you read about in books. Seems I was wrong, for once I'm happy to be proven so. I will admit that i am extremely scared of screwing up a beautiful thing with insecurities. I so badly want to hold on to this with everything in me I worry I will choke the life out of it. I consistently wonder  if I will be good enough or deserving enough to hold on to something so amazing. Everything thats left in me has completely surrendered to this new founded reality. I want to embrace it with no doubts or faults but my own stupidity prevents me from doing so. I hope that i can get over it, feeling as if Im not going to be enough. Sounds re-tardily emo-ish of me I know, still the fact remains this is how i feel. Nothing this amazing has every happened for me before & anything slightly good in my life has never lasted long.  It wouldn't normally bother me so much if it weren't for the simple fact that i know my heart & soul are involved in a way I didn't believe imaginable.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining about that - I'm hopelessly in love and its wonderful. Just wish me luck that my own stupid insecurities don't get in the way of the most amazing thing in my life. - J